The Fundamentals of Quitting Porn: Understand this and you’re 95% of the way there

If you understand the true fundamentals of quitting porn, you’ve already achieved 95% of the success. However, many people only look at the surface-level aspects of stimulation and abstinence. You need to clearly understand the essence of quitting porn to practice it consistently without wavering.

To start with the conclusion, the root of the sexual desire we want is a deep longing to feel our own existence. There are many ways to feel your existence. You can sense your existence sensorially or intuitively through various activities such as exercise, genuine connection with people, creative activities, and writing.

Ultimately, the reason we live is because we want to confirm our own existence. Within every action lies an essential desire to feel oneself. We confirm ourselves through connections with others, accept our abilities and senses through exercise, and reveal and see ourselves through writing.

Recently, I haven’t been able to exercise properly due to gastritis. Exercise was an important means for me to effectively control sexual desire and maintain a healthy life, but as exercise decreased, I naturally faced a period where the instinct of sexual desire rose strongly. However, this experience gave me deep self-reflection and realization.

🌱 Realizations after a failure in abstinence

At first, I maintained my abstinence as usual, but around the 3rd or 4th week, a sudden strong urge rushed in. In the end, I failed my abstinence on the first day. I blamed myself for a moment, but through this experience, I began to think deeply about what I truly wanted.

In the past, I thought of abstinence failure simply as a lack of willpower, but this time I approached it differently. Beyond just satisfying instinctive desires, I decided to deeply explore the cause and essence of why the urge arises.

▼ Read more about the success of 169 days without porn

금란물 169일째, 욕구를 다스리는 뇌가 생겼다

🎨 Self-exploration through art

To understand sexual desire more deeply, I turned to works of art. I explored sexuality by looking at nude sketches and human-centered artworks on the internet. At first, I felt sexual impulses, but over time, I gained a new perspective on sex.

I realized that the reason sex is beautiful is not because of provocative exposure, but because of the sense of freedom and liberation. Taking off one’s clothes means revealing oneself completely to the other person without hiding. It is an act of expressing a genuine sense of connection without pretense. It is that very freedom and liberation that makes sex beautiful.

🎮 The difference between ‘stimulation and connection’ learned through games

Next, in a somewhat challenging way, I explored the essence of sexual desire through adult games. The female bodies depicted in the games were beautiful, and the freedom and joy felt in their expressions and gestures were intense. At first, I thought that was the true connection I wanted.

But at the last moment, I felt a strong discomfort in a certain scene. Looking closely, the female character’s expression showed tension and anxiety, not happiness or comfort. At that moment, I realized clearly. What I truly wanted was not simple stimulation, but a genuine sense of connection.

“Stimulation is momentary, but connection is remembered forever.”

Stimulation is fragmentary and momentary. What we truly want is a deep sense of stability and fulfillment. True connection grows deeper and builds up over time.

Fundamentally, sexual desire is the urge to pass one’s genes to the next generation. Some people confirm they are needed through family, and some want to be remembered by people for a long time by demonstrating their abilities. Philosophers and artists belong to that latter category.

However, if sexual desire is resolved through pornography or meaningless relationships rather than reproduction, it leaves a significant sense of emptiness and unhappiness in the long run. We must break away from fake connections and pursue true happiness.

🌸 True happiness and connection

What I truly wanted was relaxation and stability in a busy and tense daily life. This is only possible through a genuine sense of connection. Relationships that only seek to satisfy one’s own desires without considering the other person eventually leave only a deep sense of emptiness.

Going deeper, we can see why sex without emotion becomes a way to have one’s existence confirmed. Our genitals are sensitive and the most physically vulnerable parts. We feel a temporary connection with the other person through this area, but this is far from a true emotional connection. When the relationship ends, my sense of existence disappears and only emptiness remains.

True connection comes from trust, consideration, and sincere interaction with the other person. This kind of connection becomes even more powerful over time and gives us true happiness and life satisfaction.

I now plan to not simply suppress sexual desire but to let it flow naturally through exercise, art, and creative activities, pursuing true inner fulfillment and connection. To properly practice quitting porn, understanding true connection beyond abstinence and stimulation would be the most important thing, right?

“In one way or another,
we want our existence to be confirmed.

While stimulation is momentary,
connection builds up over a long time.”

I hope you also understand the true fundamentals of quitting porn and create a genuine sense of connection.
Today and tomorrow, I am grateful to know each other’s existence. I love you.