Emotional Diary: The 130kg Moment, I Moved on Instinct
in 그 moment, I had to survive.”
🌑 Emotional Diary: Facing My Instincts with a Barbell
Hello.
My blood type is AO.
Maybe it’s because I have both the calmness of Type A
and the active energy of Type O.
I love reading,
but I also really enjoy working out.
So today, I trained my body again—
to refine my mind along with it.
From Standard Bar to Olympic Bar
That day, as usual,
with a body accustomed to standard bars,
I went to a new gym.
A 20kg Olympic bar was sitting quietly in front of me.
‘I just need to match the weight. It’ll be fine.’
That’s what I thought.
Back when I didn’t realize
that an Olympic bar is much harder to handle than a standard one.
130kg Squat.
It was my usual routine.
But something was wrong.
The initial descent was fine,
but the moment I tried to come back up—
I stopped.
Why won’t it go up…?
My body wouldn’t move.
I kept pushing with all my might,
but my upper body was very slowly
sinking toward the floor.
What came to mind then… honestly, was survival.
‘I might… get crushed at this rate.’
How do I get out of this?
Searching my memory,
I recalled a scene I’d seen somewhere.
A story about how you can escape by tilting the bar to one side.
But—
ISTP told me later:
“That method is really dangerous.
You could pass out or suffer a major injury to your neck or spine.”
Since I didn’t know that then,
I tilted the bar to one side
and held on to the opposite side that was lifting up.
At that moment,
the center of the barbell started shifting forward.
I moved on instinct.
I have to go forward.
As I lifted the bar,
I poured all my strength downward
as if sitting on the floor
and pushed it forward.
From my fingertips to my neck, back, and legs,
every sense screamed with one voice.
“Since the plates have some height, there will be a gap from the floor.”
And then—
like a miracle,
the bar caught on the equipment in front of me.
For a moment, I just froze there.
The lights felt so intense.
It felt like my pulse was thumping inside my skull.
“I survived.”
Only then did it feel real.
I hadn’t just controlled the weight;
I had come face-to-face with my survival instinct
within that weight.
Then, I stood up quietly.
My back felt a bit stiff,
but I put on my weighted vest
and continued with neck bridges.
I finished the next set too.
As if nothing had happened.
After that day, I started seeing myself differently.
Talking about the incident with ISTP, I realized
that it was a situation
that could have been very dangerous for most people.
And I overcame it.
In the past, because I had fair skin
and a slim build,
I never really thought of myself as strong.
But now—
I was someone who survived a 130kg barbell.
Strength has changed my perspective.
I think it’s a wonderful thing to know yourself.
The way I look at people has changed too.
Whether I see someone showing off,
someone being lazy,
or even if someone says something to belittle me,
I just feel this way:
“Everyone is probably doing their best in their own way.”
Today, I train myself again.
Handling the weight,
refining my mind,
counting my breaths—
I am making my mind and body
quietly and firmly stronger.
Today,
I wonder how much I’ve grown.
I’m just curious about that.
So today, I train myself again.
Feeling alive.
Quietly, very strongly.
Love you all 🙂
