Voyage of the Unconscious: The Night a Dream Purified My Childhood Wounds
and welcoming serene peace.
It had been over seven weeks since I restarted my abstinence.
I overcame the days where I used to repeatedly fail at the two-week mark
through willpower and mindfulness.
Because indulging in misguided desires
isn’t taking a break—it’s becoming weak.
Everyone has different views,
but I didn’t see maintaining abstinence as some intense self-improvement;
I thought of it as the normal state.
That mindset made the journey much smoother.
Even yesterday, when I felt the urge to look at female characters,
I resolved not to be swayed by stimulation anymore.
Even if I were to look later, today I just wanted to focus on my own senses.
And while sleeping that night,
I had an unexpectedly strange dream….
It was a precious and fulfilling dream
that healed the wounds and conflicts within my family from my childhood.
I recorded my dream in my diary…
[Scene 1 – Lodging]
I am lying down in some kind of lodging.
My older brother posted my image on my blog or YouTube without permission, which upset me.
So after arguing with him, he went into another room.
But I could see a sasaeng fan of my blog or YouTube going to my brother’s room through the bathroom in the next room.
(The bathrooms must have been connected.)
I spoke softly, saying, “Bodyguard will be here in 10 seconds. Go!”
I was counting down… 10… 9… 8… and just as I reached 1 second,
the fan suddenly seemed to startle and pounce on me.
It was terrifying.
[Scene 2 – Burger Joint]
The scene changes, and I’m eating a burger, but I must have fought with my brother again.
No matter how much I tried to talk to him, he wouldn’t respond.
However, the clerk was very kind and gave me some items on the house. I was so grateful.
Then my brother, perhaps suddenly hungry after being silent for two hours,
reached out for a reconciliation, asking if he could have some of mine.
I felt like it was something meant for me,
but I felt so wronged and sorrowful for having talked to myself all that time
that I shouted at him in frustration, asking if he thought I’d be happy about him acting like that after ignoring me.
[Scene 3 – Night Street]
The scene changes and I’m looking for my brother; when I asked the clerk, they guided me.
Then we fought and I ended up taking a life, but it turned out to be a small doll.
When I asked the clerk for the doll’s name, it was a woman’s name. The surname was different, too.
When I asked again, they said my brother was inside, so I went through an open door.
Somehow we fought again, and I ended up hurting my brother.
[Scene 4 – Inside a Train Cabin]
Then suddenly, I opened my eyes while lying in an indoor space,
and my brother and younger female cousins were there.
Since I didn’t want my brother to die, I apologized and we reconciled.
I was going to tell him some great, transcendental secret,
but I cautiously said it was nothing, fearing it might upset him.
I think the place was inside a train, and my whole family and relatives were there.
[Scene 5 – Movie Theater Atmosphere]
After that, the scene changes and I’m lying down, hearing the sound of an opera. It was blissful.
But then, a witch demon appeared. She started casting a curse again. Right next to me.
However, I became an observer and just watched the feeling quietly.
Then people whispered in surprise, “She’s not doing it anymore.” Their tone was bright.
The witch screamed and bit my index finger. It was her final struggle.
I was a bit scared, but I stayed there, letting my body go limp.
The witch eventually vomited and collapsed. I could feel all the vomit. It felt like it fell on my body.
But there was no unpleasantness at all; it felt like some kind of energy. Like a vacuum state, I should say.
[Scene 6 – Reality]
Soon, the witch’s breathing became my own breathing in reality, and as the breathing gradually subsided,
just as I thought the witch had died, the alarm rang exactly on time and I woke up.
My interpretation of the dream…
I analyzed each symbol.
[Scene 1]
Blog fan = Money and fame from the blog, but something that eventually consumes me.
Fan entering brother’s room = My money and fame helping my brother. Perhaps in a negative way.
Calling the bodyguard = My strength, likely representing the exercise I usually do. (But they didn’t show up.)
[Scene 2]
Burger = Instant food, something unhealthy, a symbol of dopamine, but actually something good (beneficial in low frequency).
Kind burger joint clerk = People’s attitudes or warmth resulting from money. The ideal I desire.
Brother asking to eat after being silent = A look of understanding toward me, but also includes realistic hunger.
Me getting angry = Anger and resentment for not being recognized all this time. Including childhood.
[Scene 3]
Clerk answering readily when looking for brother = Symbolizes power gained through money and fame.
Thinking it was my brother and hurting them, but it was a baby doll (female name) =
Discovering my wounded childhood female self during the struggle.
Brother’s death afterward = Anger from the wounds of the female child self eventually harming love.
[Scene 4]
Waking up to find my brother and cousins alive = Facing a new reality through prior realization. Love is reborn.
Apologizing to brother = Giving up my misguided desires. But the feeling still remains.
Not wanting brother’s death despite being angry = Symbolizes choosing love over money and survival.
Hesitating to talk about my great future achievements after reconciling = Now valuing love more than money and ability.
Family and relatives inside the train = Money and fame carrying love forward.
[Scene 5]
Feeling like I watched a movie = Everything was a simulation, the unconscious, or imagination.
Witch demon entering = My evil survival desires remaining in the unconscious.
Witch demon = The dark side of money and fame.
Reason for being a witch (female) = Female -> Symbol of male survival -> Circuitry of pornography.
Observing the curse = Now just observing and not following along.
Murmuring of people watching = My unconscious emotions (relief, surprise).
Index finger = Symbolizes direction or goals. (Symbol of survival instinct.)
Witch’s final struggle = Biting the index finger, a desperate attempt to stimulate the goal once more.
Scared but observing = Precarious, but eventually overcoming by observing.
Demon collapsing while vomiting = Disappearing while vomiting out all misguided desires.
Death of the witch = Extinction, liberation, and purification from it.
[Scene 6]
Witch’s breathing = Real-life breathing = Symbolizes that the demon was an internal being. Eventually, it disappears.
Alarm at the exact timing = A purification phenomenon that happened thanks to my thorough planning.
Sense of pride = My emotions and awareness resulting from unconscious purification.
🔽 A mysterious song created with hints from the dream
How I felt after waking from the dream…
After waking up, drinking a glass of water, and writing in my diary,
an hour had passed.
Feeling a significant amount of fatigue,
I quickly ate breakfast.
But interpreting the dream like this
makes me feel proud.
I feel like the pornography circuitry has now completely vanished.
Pornography I’ve watched since childhood—
it seemed like nothing, something everyone watches, something natural for a man.
But now I clearly realize it’s something that ruins me,
and I faced it head-on without making excuses, causing the witch demon to die.
My inner self is gradually
moving toward peace, growth, and enlightenment.
Back then, we fought often
because our personalities were so different…
Now we understand each other,
and I feel grateful just for his existence.
Brother = Type B ENTJ
Me = Type A ESFJA relationship where we understand each other while looking at different worldviews
