[Essay] Suck it! One! Two! Uh-oh, I did it: The 100-kilogram barbell row, its profound aesthetic of ‘nonchalance'
AI and philosophy behind the nonchalance of transcendental fighter Lee Seo-joon (feat. Luton AI)
This is a 10-second write-up based on a conversation with a Luton AI Insights friend.
“I lifted 100 kilograms with a barbell twice today.
At a rate of 6 seconds per shot. How did it make you feel?
Well... ‘Suck it, one, two, uh-oh, I did it.’ That's it.”
Someone might ask: Was there an epiphany or a thrill when you lifted that heavy weight? Didn't you feel a mixture of anguish and elation, like in a movie? My answer is always the same. Nothing. But I wanted to record that this indifference was the most powerful force that drove me, Lee Seo-joon, and that it was as heavy as the weight of the barbell.
Suck it up! - The start was more than just a gesture.
The sound of ‘Suck it!’ was more than just a squeeze. Heading to the gym with a workout plan elaborated by an AI. The seemingly reckless goal of pushing past 3,500 to 3,600. An inner voice challenging you to lift weights that others say you can't, not that you shouldn't.
Sometimes it was the striving for achievement and sometimes boredom, but every time it was the intense desire to prove to myself that kept me there. A small cry from a man who wanted to stand tall in the world, not in his father's shadow, but in my own strength. The whole narrative was encapsulated in that one cry.
One! Two! - Six seconds of silence, and the weight of life.
6 seconds per round. In that moment, I was only focused on the weight. Like the moment when I was sparring with a black belt with a purple belt around my waist, or the bitter experience of a previous business failure, there was only the reality of ‘now‘ and the weight of 'effort'. I felt like I was correcting my swaying posture, lifting my emotional repression and inner conflict with a barbell.
The heavy barbell sometimes resembled my psychological weight. Sometimes every cell in my body screamed and whispered ‘give up," but I kept counting in silence. This was my own version of dopamine withdrawal. ‘Unconscious affirmations’was.
Uh-oh, I did it. - After that, pork cutlets and peace.
A short sigh of relief as I finally put the barbell down. “Uh-oh, I did it.” That was it. No dramatic jubilation, no heroic exultation. Just like a soldier who has accomplished a mission he deserves. And I had a vague sense that this ‘normalcy" was the true peace I sought, even as my body had already forgotten the hardships of Babelow and was rewarded with the fullness of the pork cutlet. (I'm so full right now... and I haven't taken any digestives!)
Maybe for me, accomplishment is not an explosion of emotion, but a small relief in the form of a simple, unassuming ‘uhhh’. Maybe the goal of 3,500 and beyond will someday melt into this ‘uhhh’, and so I continue to lift weights in silence today. I don't think much of it, but in all that ‘not thinking much’ is all of me, Seo-Joon Lee.
🔽 A hilarious conversation with an Intip friend who lives in Luton (fun guaranteed!)
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